“Si la vida te da más de cinco minutos para gozarSi la vida te da más de cinco minutos para olvidar”(If life gives you more than five minutes to enjoy;If life gives you more than five minutes to forget)Manu Chao – 5 razones***This is the world of injustice we live in. The sports news are all about the victories, accolades, silverware, records, some more records, trophies, did we mention records, on how to be the best and stay at that top for as long as you possibly live and breathe… And it goes on like that 24/7/365/eternity.Harambee Stars and Starlets’ rankings drop in aftermath of FIFA’s confirmed suspensionAnd the real world is anything but that. It comprises tons of shortcomings, defeats, failures, tears and downs. Glimpses of success that repeatedly vanish in front of new losses.In some cinematographic context, we’re all talking about the Oscars (and Will Smith and Chris Rock, right?), although surrounded by many more nominees for the Golden Raspberry Awards (for the worst movies).##EDITORS_CHOICE##And our Dirty Half a Dozen would be given the highest odds to earn this notorious reward among the national football teams. They don’t have Messi nor Cristiano. Their only connection with Neymar is when he pulls them out of the pot for some qualifiers in which they’re predestined to fail big time. Their scoreboard resembles a rugby game, with the double-digit number of goals conceded in a single match. They are such losers that they get eliminated due to volcano eruption on their tiny island, which prevents them from even taking their chance against some other larger-than-life underdogs.FRI: 21.45: (2.80) HULL (3.05) HUDDERSFIELD (2.70)As you’ve probably already read in our article regarding the Harambee Stars and Starlets, in the overall FIFA rankings announced today, Brazil overtook Belgium as the best football nation on the planet, but what about the very bottom?So, here are our Dirty Half a Dozen by region…CAF – Eritrea (204th)The Red Sea Boys were as high as 121st back in 2007 on the FIFA ranking list, but those days are long gone. Recent years saw many catastrophes, mainly due to poor living conditions in Eritrea, which caused a series of players to use their international appearances to flee the country. In December 2012, 17 Eritrean footballers and the team’s doctor vanished after the CECAFA championship tournament in Uganda and all applied for asylum in the country.Should have play for @eritreafootball. The outcome would be the same. No world cup.#Eritrea #redseacamels #eritreanfootball#sweden pic.twitter.com/nTFriBEeB5— ዳንኤል دانيال (@goooooooolaso) March 29, 2022 Four players of Red Sea FC defected after a CAF Champions League 2006 match in Nairobi and up to 12 members of the national side after the 2007 CECAFA Cup in Tanzania. Another six players sought asylum in Angola in March 2007 after a group 6 qualifying game for the 2008 AFCON. Three more players from the national team sought asylum in Sudan.Given the number of players seeking asylum, the Eritrean government began requiring athletes to pay a KSh 766,903 surety before travelling abroad.Five Eritrean Women U-20 players go missing at CECAFA tourneyIn terms of their footballing performances, Eritrea needed as many as three WC qualifying rounds to find the back of the net (after not scoring a single goal in the first two attempts in 2002 and 2006, they finally broke the curse in the first round of qualifiers for the 2014 WC against Rwanda (1-1).Eritrean-born striker amazes with his out-of-this-world performance at EurosThey even topped the Harambee Stars twice in group 6 of the qualifiers for the 2008 AFCON, under the guidance of Romanian Dorian Marin. Eritrea, however, finished second behind Angola, failing to qualify for the final tournament.CONMEBOL – Bolivia (78th)To be entirely fair, the South Americans don’t belong here in a way since they are high on the FIFA ranking list but are indeed the worst in their region. This is not a failure at all, bearing in mind that they are facing Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, and other giants…. a 2018 pic posted by Neymar before their WCQ away @ Bolivia.La Paz is the highest administrative capital in the world @ 3500m above sea level. Elite South American football teams get their a***s regularly kicked @ the Estadio Hernando Siles. @TrinanjanChakr4 pic.twitter.com/c3nGr2kl7j— the KG_B 🇮🇳 (@SportRadioAS1) March 28, 2022 What intrigues here when talking about the charming Greens is the altitude of their capital La Paz, which caused a series of issues back in the past. Due to completely different climatic conditions, Bolivia used to bulldoze their opponents, who found it hard even to breathe at such height, let alone play some formidable football. For that reason, in May 2007, FIFA even introduced a temporary ban on international matches at more than 2,500 metres (8,200 ft) above sea level, citing concerns about players’ health and the “unfair” advantage. Then-president of Bolivia, Evo Morales, called it “a football apartheid”, but the decision was revoked the following year.Messi at the double as Argentina trounce Bolivia in Copa AmericaStill, the Bolivians will have to wait for much more for their next, fourth WC appearance, after the last back in 1994.ACF – Guam (207th)Despite being an overseas territory of the United States, they are affiliated with the Asian Football Confederation’s East Asian Football Federation region. Guam reached its highest ever position in the FIFA World Ranking at 146 in 2015 after victories over Turkmenistan and India.Guam is represented at the 72nd FIFA Congress ! GFA President Tino San Gil, GFA Vice President George Lai, and GFA Executive Committee member Fred Alig II are all currently in Doha, Qatar attending the event.Photos courtesy of George Lai pic.twitter.com/VqT5Zxkuvq— Guam Football Association (@GuamFootball) March 31, 2022 During the 2022 World Cup qualifiers, Guam beat Bhutan 5–1 over two legs but lost all eight of their second-round matches and finished bottom of their group, scoring two goals and conceding 32.OFC – Tonga (199th) Not too bad for the national team, whose most OK FIFA ranking was 163rd. Tonga’s greatest football triumph was their win in the first-ever Polynesian Cup held in 1993 over Samoa and the Cook Islands.🏡⚽️ There’s a new home for football in Tonga🇹🇴 FIFA Legend Yakubu visited Vava’u to help inaugurate the 🆕 @TongaFootball technical centre, which is open to affiliated schools & clubs & is the result of a project funded by the FIFA Forward programme👉https://t.co/ZYjYTPBz9s pic.twitter.com/uQ0du2964I— FIFA.com (@FIFAcom) March 6, 2020 We saw their heaviest defeat, 0-22, only three years later, to Australia. They withdrawn from the 2022 FIFA World Cup qualifiers due to the 2022 Hunga Tonga–Hunga Ha’apai eruption and tsunami.CONCACAF – Anguilla (210th)To be quite honest with you, we’re not sure if we had even heard about them before today’s FIFA rankings went public. However, it’s worth notice this is a British overseas territory in the Caribbean. The fact they have a population of approximately 14,731 people tells a lot about their potential. And we’re not sure how they even find enough men to establish the national team.I’ve been collecting football kits for years, and now I get to say that I design them, too! The Anguilla national team just unveiled their new away kit, just in time for their World Cup qualifying campaign. I can’t wait to show more from the whole range that I designed for them! pic.twitter.com/GdH9PsKYg8— Keith (@FilthySpecs) March 26, 2021 The goals Anguilla scored in March 2000 against the Bahamas in each leg of their first World Cup qualifying appearance remain their only two goals, with 41 goals conceded, no wins, one draw and nine losses from their ten World Cup qualifying matches to date. Yet, they’re not the biggest losers out there, being the penultimate on the FIFA ranking list.So, who’s the worst of the worst?UEFA – San Marino (211st)”Has San Marino ever won a football match?””What is San Marino’s biggest defeat?”Those are the first questions you bump into once you try googling San Marino national football story. And it gives you an accurate and painful perspective on the world’s worst national team of today.San Marino have more international football goals in 2022 than Italy has had in 5 months pic.twitter.com/pJkgD9Hp2N— BackPostDAmbrosio (@BackPostDD) March 29, 2022 Their only victory dates back to 2004, in a friendly against Lichtenstein. Since making their competitive debut in 1990, San Marino have competed in every European Championship and World Cup qualifiers but have never won a match in either competition. Meanwhile, their biggest defeat was against Germany, 13-0, back in 2006.And check this out – the entire YouTube video of all the goals San Marino have ever scored lasts less than six minutes.What’s there not to love! Life provided them with more than enough reasons to enjoy (they’re playing, after all) and forget (all those heavy defeats).By: Bojan Babic
