When we talk about footballers who play in the Premier League or any other top-flight competition, we tend to think they are people without problems. Wealthy, successful, popular – what problems could they possibly have? But dig a little under the surface, and you’ll find difficulties no human can escape: self-doubt, insecurity and fear.Everton star Demarai Gray spoke openly about his time of darkness and how he found his way. The former Leicester winger couldn’t cope with being left out of the squad towards the end of his stint at King Power Stadium. The change was painful for a young man who had always been the star, even as a teenager at his first club Birmingham City. In a conversation with The Athletic, the 26-year-old Englishman remembered his most challenging hours.”I had low moments and low thoughts, but no one would think it. I could have the lowest of low thoughts but you’d see me the next day and think, ‘Dimi’s cool. Dim’s just Dim’. When you get into those lows, it’s like a devil trying to get in your head and make you think negatively about life.”##NAJAVA_MECA_6787019##Being left out of the team by Leicester led to him being sold to Bundesliga club Bayer Leverkusen in a cut-price deal on a short, 18-month contract. It was the first time Gray left his country – and it wasn’t easy. After starting well in Germany, Leverkusen fired their coach Peter Bosz. His successor Hannes Wolf played a formation that meant there was again no place for Gray in the starting eleven. And just like that – he was down and out again. The isolation led him to question his very existence at one point last year.”I remember a time when I messaged my uncle and said, ‘What’s my purpose? What am I doing?’. Bad situations going on. Past traumas. It’s a phase, a mental bubble where the toxic thoughts override and consume your thought process.”“I’d suffer breakdowns. You hit the point where you feel you’ve got nothing left mentally. I’d say to mum, ‘I don’t know if I want to play football anymore.'”I messaged my uncle & said, ‘What’s my purpose?’”Demarai Gray talks to @David_Ornstein about his mental health battles— The Athletic | Football (@TheAthleticFC) November 4, 2022 The past experience helped him. While most people struggled during the covid-induced lockdown in 2020, Gray was benefiting. Staying at home gave him time to dedicate himself to prayer and spirituality. It would prove helpful a year later in that hotel room in Germany. With his inner strength and the support of his loved ones, he found the way out. And the faith shown in him by then-Everton coach Rafael Benitez got him back on the right path in football.Everton paid $2 million to sign Gray and bring him back to the Premier League. And even though the Spaniard’s time at Goodison Park was short, he gave Gray the confidence and the sense of purpose he had been missing.”I’m grateful for Benitez. He had faith in me, he wanted me at the club, he made that clear, and I think for any player, first and foremost, it’s who you’re playing for and what the manager wants and thinks of you. He gave me a sense of freedom and made me feel like a valuable squad member. That was important for someone like me and the way I am as a player.”##GALERIJA##Everton managed to stay in the Premier League under the guidance of Frank Lampard, another man Gray admires for “having the balls” and believing in his style. The unity in the dressing room made him realize that Everton was the right club for him.”For the first time in a long time, I’m genuinely happy and back feeling myself, playing like myself. The last few years have been up and down, but I don’t regret anything and wouldn’t change it.”Demarai Gray returns this weekend. ✨ #EFC / #Gray pic.twitter.com/564NU482NQ— 𝘌𝘍𝘊 𝘋𝘈𝘐𝘓𝘠 (@EFCdaily_) March 12, 2022 Dark days come – but there is always light to strive for.
